Bond, James Bond

A couple of weeks ago, i had the priviledge of going for a tux "fitting". Why they call it a fitting is beyond me. Let me set the stage for you.....

I am getting married in June to my lovely fiancee (#1 target). Those of you that know me, and there are only 2 of you, so you DO...know that i am slightly...freaked out..or was (got to cover the bases in case she reads this;) So i need to go get a Tux, its a special occasion, so i want to look special right?

So i call ahead to book an appointment. Apparently none is needed. OK......So i go in with one of my good friends who is my usher. (It was funnier in the meeting by saying it was my best man...but i will get to that later). So because its a special occasion, and we haven't seen each other for a while, he has made it a point to create a SURREAL experience for us, and Mr. Green makes an appearance. Because its been a while for both of us, and hes showing off his new car, we're zipping around South Ottawa in his new Impala. (which is so cool btw). So we go looking at houses, where he's going to be moving etc and then we go to a spot where they have the exact same model house that he has. Its increadible...So, we've wasted enough time, and the THC has kicked in. We go to Tip Top for a "fitting". Now my friend is married and his wedding he got maried in a suit. So we are both new at this tux thing.

Our eyes are a glowing as we go into the store and i approach the counter and tell the guy that i called yesterday to book an appointment for a fitting. "Un huh, ok"...."So where are the tuxes?" He points to a rack with maybe 10 jackets on them as says over there. So we walk over, giggling because this is hilarious to us, and because i am embarased as hell. I'm supposed to know what i am doing right? Well i don't have the foggiest clue...

So we are over there, feeling the jackets saying to ourselves..this is nice, All the while i am looking for the magic closet where all the tuxes are kept so i can get "fitted". The doors the have there are either fillied with shirts (nice, but not what i am looking for) or just decorations, and are fake panelling. Which completely threw me off since they had hinges , and i am trying to open them. By this time i am getting a little, no a LOT embarassed. As someone that has dealt with the public quite a bit, i am waiting(praying) that the guy wil come over and save me. But he's a sadistic fucker, and leaves me twisting, while i am tring to open a wood panel that won't open. With me so far?

So, i sheepishly walk over to the counter and ask where the rest of them are. He says the rest of what. You know the pants, vests, cover-my-bums etc...He tells me they are in Toronto. How the HELL am i suposed to go to Toronto to get friggin fitted? (remember i am embarassed, trying not to giggle, and wondering what the hell i have gotten myself into) My friend is openly laughing, and has that "this guy is an idiot" look to him...directed at me.

Ok, so umm....how do i get fitted. We take your measurements. OK, i am 10 inches around and really long :D. he says nice try but you are white, but good try. Did i mention his assistant is a girl? Good times, let me tell you. So i says, ok, want me to get nekkid so you can take them. The little indian guy's eyes bug out and he politely says that won't be necessary, just take of your sweater. (Damn, i like getting nekkid in public, then i can access the handicapped spots.)

So....he pulls out his tape measure and starts guesing my sizes, and wouldn't u know it, he's bang on on EVERYTHING. Weight too (i am realy starting to hate this guy). THen its my buddies turn. Again, hes right about everything. So now its time to pick a "style". Have u seen the catalogue for tuxes? Well, i ask him to narrow it down to, whats popular and he starts pointing out all the expensive ones. I say for these prices, i hope i get to keep them. Needless to say i ask for something a little less pricey, and settle on the "James Bond"

SO, he asks me what colour the brides maids dresses wil be, and me being the ass that i am blurt out Styrofoam (Sea foam). He does a double take and says pardon. I correct myself and say Sea Foam. WTF colour is sea foam? THe only "Sea Foam" i know of is at Hogs Back Park and that most deffinitely is NOT greenish/blue. Its more like brownish white with chunks thrown in.

"sigh" i think i have made a pact for teh devil, just waiting for someone to show up with a pen dripping blood and have me sign my name. Which reminds me, i get married Just 24th....