Bond, James Bond

A couple of weeks ago, i had the priviledge of going for a tux "fitting". Why they call it a fitting is beyond me. Let me set the stage for you.....

I am getting married in June to my lovely fiancee (#1 target). Those of you that know me, and there are only 2 of you, so you DO...know that i am slightly...freaked out..or was (got to cover the bases in case she reads this;) So i need to go get a Tux, its a special occasion, so i want to look special right?

So i call ahead to book an appointment. Apparently none is needed. OK......So i go in with one of my good friends who is my usher. (It was funnier in the meeting by saying it was my best man...but i will get to that later). So because its a special occasion, and we haven't seen each other for a while, he has made it a point to create a SURREAL experience for us, and Mr. Green makes an appearance. Because its been a while for both of us, and hes showing off his new car, we're zipping around South Ottawa in his new Impala. (which is so cool btw). So we go looking at houses, where he's going to be moving etc and then we go to a spot where they have the exact same model house that he has. Its increadible...So, we've wasted enough time, and the THC has kicked in. We go to Tip Top for a "fitting". Now my friend is married and his wedding he got maried in a suit. So we are both new at this tux thing.

Our eyes are a glowing as we go into the store and i approach the counter and tell the guy that i called yesterday to book an appointment for a fitting. "Un huh, ok"...."So where are the tuxes?" He points to a rack with maybe 10 jackets on them as says over there. So we walk over, giggling because this is hilarious to us, and because i am embarased as hell. I'm supposed to know what i am doing right? Well i don't have the foggiest clue...

So we are over there, feeling the jackets saying to ourselves..this is nice, All the while i am looking for the magic closet where all the tuxes are kept so i can get "fitted". The doors the have there are either fillied with shirts (nice, but not what i am looking for) or just decorations, and are fake panelling. Which completely threw me off since they had hinges , and i am trying to open them. By this time i am getting a little, no a LOT embarassed. As someone that has dealt with the public quite a bit, i am waiting(praying) that the guy wil come over and save me. But he's a sadistic fucker, and leaves me twisting, while i am tring to open a wood panel that won't open. With me so far?

So, i sheepishly walk over to the counter and ask where the rest of them are. He says the rest of what. You know the pants, vests, cover-my-bums etc...He tells me they are in Toronto. How the HELL am i suposed to go to Toronto to get friggin fitted? (remember i am embarassed, trying not to giggle, and wondering what the hell i have gotten myself into) My friend is openly laughing, and has that "this guy is an idiot" look to him...directed at me.

Ok, so umm....how do i get fitted. We take your measurements. OK, i am 10 inches around and really long :D. he says nice try but you are white, but good try. Did i mention his assistant is a girl? Good times, let me tell you. So i says, ok, want me to get nekkid so you can take them. The little indian guy's eyes bug out and he politely says that won't be necessary, just take of your sweater. (Damn, i like getting nekkid in public, then i can access the handicapped spots.)

So....he pulls out his tape measure and starts guesing my sizes, and wouldn't u know it, he's bang on on EVERYTHING. Weight too (i am realy starting to hate this guy). THen its my buddies turn. Again, hes right about everything. So now its time to pick a "style". Have u seen the catalogue for tuxes? Well, i ask him to narrow it down to, whats popular and he starts pointing out all the expensive ones. I say for these prices, i hope i get to keep them. Needless to say i ask for something a little less pricey, and settle on the "James Bond"

SO, he asks me what colour the brides maids dresses wil be, and me being the ass that i am blurt out Styrofoam (Sea foam). He does a double take and says pardon. I correct myself and say Sea Foam. WTF colour is sea foam? THe only "Sea Foam" i know of is at Hogs Back Park and that most deffinitely is NOT greenish/blue. Its more like brownish white with chunks thrown in.

"sigh" i think i have made a pact for teh devil, just waiting for someone to show up with a pen dripping blood and have me sign my name. Which reminds me, i get married Just 24th....

Closing Time...

Ahh, the sweet sweet insanity of the night shift....

This is the one point of the day where you can let your hair down and be as silly as you want.

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisterscome.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits - I hope you have foundafriend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send

Very applicable imo.

Closes here are much differnt from what i am used to. Formerly my closing shifts consisted of: Balancing tills, counting cash, doing deposits, tip pool money, checking closes, verifying CC machines, troubleshooting whenever needed, doing EOD counts and a bunch of other things too tedious to mention.

Now my closes consist of: Turning off my computer, sweeping the floor for stray rugrats and saying goodbye to the guard. I like htis better :)

Closing time also allows you the opportunity to really get to know some people. The agents on nights are differfnt from the days. They are much more laid back and have a warped sense of humour. They actuaklly enjoy teh attention that we lavish on them. Actually thats not entirely true, they appreciate the time and effort that their supervisors and team leads put in versus the day staff. Call it percieved eliteism, but i am rooting for the night crew to get all on days. For the most part these folks have been on nights without a break. Got to love the underdogs :D

Well, now we have to start putting agents on notice for "below expected sales results". This is something new for me, how do you threaten an employees job (ok WARN them) while smiling at them and maintaining a positive attitude? I am a good actor, but i have a bunch of PITA's that are getting their letter today, not looking forward to it one bit, especially because i have abunch of "special" PITAs that are incredibly outspoken. I think i need to go to Lamaze class to learn that cool breathing thing, i just might be able to distract em with it, probably not since they can smell bullshit a mile away, to make this even MORE enjoyable i have to factor in my monitorings (7 left for the week) which can take FOREVER to get done.

*sigh* i need a hug.....or a cookie....ohh better yet BOTH

****NOTE: PITA stands for pain in the ass, a completely HR IN-appropriate statement that i use with allarming frequency****