DO i have to?

Its funny to think about it....

Days and weks pass by, funny stuff devellops everywhere and i am forgetting to capture it. God knows i can use a laugh, and hopefully everyone else that reads this could use one too.

So whats funny thats happened....

I work in a call centre who recieves calls from our neighbours from teh south. Being Canadian, thas quite an adjustment. We are expected to sell. Now if you are Canadian, know a Canadian or want to be a Canadian you need to know a few things about us.
1. We are a very passive-agressive society. We are passive all the time except when there's hockey on, then we want blood.
2. We are far too laid back. Case in point...our agents ask if our customers want to buy something, they say no. We say *shrug* all good.
3. We like sarcasm, and find humour in our neighbours to the south.
4. Poutine is a foodgroup unto its own.

So i am taking an escalation (when a customer wants to talk to a supervisor). So i HAPPILY jump on the line, once the agent has found me under my desk, sucking my thumb and in the fetal position, and i get this customer who starts YELLING at me for calling him during supper. So i let him spew and try my darndest to jump in and correct his mis-interpretation. So he finally runs out of air and I casually let him know, that we are an INBOUND centre, so he called us. I then ask him what hes having for supper. He replies, then why did his phone ring? I reply with "Maybe my voices are calling your voices?".

So i am walking down the aisle in the cublicle farm, minding my own business, doing some crop dusting (more to come about what that means in a bit) and i get an agent thats FRANTICALLY waving her hand. She tells me she has a sleeping customer on the phone and what is she suppoed to do. I think the forst words out of my mouth were "you are full of shit" closely followed by, i GOT TO HEAR THIS. So i get on the phone and sure enough at 7:30AM theres a guy snoring away. So i take off the headset and think for a minute. Yell at him. Just as she starts sucking wind down, i stop her. Boost your mike volume THEN yell at him :) So we crank up the dial, and she yells SIR. Needless to say he woke up. It was great. I remind her of it everyday. First agent to put a customr to sleep on the phone, there has to be an award in there.

Man....the escalations are limitless as i take at least 4 daily now :( But the humour is deffinitely there, its just a matter of finding the time with wedding plans, losing my mind, constantly backpeddaling myself out of self created messes. I will promise to write a new blog at least once every 2 weeks from now on.

****
CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles

CROP DUSTING : Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

Whoa...slow down

Frequently i lose my mind.

Before anyone thinkns of me as a drooling (rofl) idiot, let me explain how this happens.........I suffer from an affliction i call "fat figers".-Now don't get teh wrong idea, i am not fat and have sausages attached to a ham for hands. Fat fingers is what happens when you think faster than you can type. Your hands are in a constant race with your brain to get everything out that you're thinking before you forget it.

Its funny really when you think about it...I only really started typing 6 years ago, so my speed and digital dexterityl on a keyboard....umm....is horrible. So with that in mind....Just when you are able to keep up, its like your brian comes back from a day dream and thinks to itself (thats disturbing)"Whoa whats going on here"and kicks the thoughts up a notch, and you lose your sanity. Your hands are lost, you're lost and you've lost your mind. Once you do get to the point of where your fingers do go fast enough, its like my brian goes..."really" and kicks it into another gear. Then my fingers get lost, i get lost and my brain is sitting in the drivers seat looking back and yelling "keep up with this fuckers". Then after a time things seem to slow down. My brain jumps into teh back seat and says, hey nice road...who's drivin. Personally i root for the hands, i always like the underdog, but the brain always wins -dam my brain.

Unfortunately, this isn't confined to the keyboard. I am in a constant delusional state at work. Easily excitable, and i have a captive audience. Here's a recipe for disaster....
1 Tired supervisor
add in a couple cups of coffee
throw in some suger
mix in a social situation-or a public place
presto, instant HR issue.

Another realization.....With fat fingers, you also have to become fluent at gibberish. So technically i am trilingual....i wonder if i can add that to my resume somehow. Anyone that has ever had a MSN conversation with me can attest to this to this skill. So here you are, typing as fast as you can, fingers are flying and your brain is yelling like a maniac. Fingers sound suspiciouly like Scotty from Star Trek (I canna take it cap'n, she's gonna blow), then you S L O W L Y come back and realize the person you are talking to is no longer typing and you look at your screen and wonder wtf IS that, and who typed this nonsensical shit. Then it hits, its you. So you slowly read up, take out your decoder ring and try to make sense of it all.
I think i need a hug...or a cookie...